Farm Ownership = Endless Discoveries

To those who follow us on social media, these little “surprises” may sound familiar.  For the rest of you slackers wonderful people, here lies the confession that I really have abandoned the last shred of my dignity:  I made a hashtag in Twitland.  *so much shame*  I had such noble oaths (once the little pound signs were explained to me) that I would never become one of Those People.  At least it wasn’t a big fall.  Does it make it any better if searching for my own hashtag only finds two of them – even the internet is embarrassed for me…

Yes, I even make stupid faces while driving tractors

After I began living at the farm, though, it didn’t take long for these little moments unique to home horse-keeping to pop up.  Even those which elicited “not-family-friendly” exclamations made me laugh knowing that I was not likely the first (nor the last) to have the experience (with no small bit of incredulity, as in “was I really that stupid again!?).  What choice did I have, really, for sharing on the go?  (justification!)  And so the tag was born.      

For my pasture-mowing peers, both newly-minted and counting-the-decades, I know you KNOW.  I think we can all learn something (in most cases, “Don’t do that.”).

I present for your entertainment (and as a gift, corrected for the horrific grammar that is cruelly forced on me by that 120 character limit):

But...teh pretteh...can't go inside

#Farmownerdiscoveries:

• Yay! When you forget to take off your half chaps & spurs, you just leave them at back door for next time!
• Doh! My self-draining hose setup DOES work. And can siphon 1/2 the tank before I notice if I forget to remove the hose.
• 0.o  That "simple" project in your head that you can "quickly" cobble together?  Just don't.
• Oops. Put on work uniform fleece AFTER throwing am hay.
• Yay! Your horses always appear at the gate when you come out the back door-it might be feeding time!

Wear real shoes to kick

• Oh, hai, neighbour’s excavator driving past my living room!
• Oops. Right when you think you’re a tractor badass, you get the drag caught on your tape fence.  :/
• A good hose quick-connect is THE SHIT.
• You never go inside on a pretty night. "Just one more thing!"
• Never say "They won't go anywhere, they'll just eat grass."  :/
• You can hike a 3-acre pasture in slippers.  In the dark.
• Once you start pulling dead plants from along a fenceline, you can't stop.  So...hungry...

Low:  You DO need it!

• That moment you realize you don’t even have to put on pants to feed. Note:  did not practice. But i could.
• You never knew how much you needed the tractor...till it was gone.
• You are late for work...because you get stuck staring out your windows at the awesome.
• You can't kick a 3-pt hitch very hard in flip flops.
• Oh, that’s what low gear is for!
• Feeling shitty? Move your chair.
• Going to a clinic and I don’t even have to start the truck! #greatneighbors
• You're not really bush-hogging ‘til you bend a fencepost with the loader. #Fml

A good chair view = therapy

Share what you've screwed up discovered – maybe I can avoid a future *facepalm* or two, my head is getting sore! 

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Fun With Power Tools: How Poor People Build Jumps, Lesson 1

Hey, #mindyourmelon, right?

Want to build your own portable flower box for $5 in under 30 minutes?

Didn't think so, m'kay, bye!  ;P

Now that I have your attention and slavering hope that there might be a useful post ahead -- those of you who follow us on Teh Facebooks and Twitland saw the exciting results of my spurt of inspiration (thanks, Erica!) on Friday.

A better description for this project may be "why dumpster diving pays off," but who doesn't love working out some aggression with a Skilsaw anyway??  LET'S GET READY TO...REDNECK SOME SHIT!  (Note: I must include thanks, growing up with a genius mechanical engineer dad who just about rebuilt our entire house taught me many useful skills!)

Preface from the Safety Nazi:  Dude.  Tools are awesome, but don't mess around.  Wear your safety glasses, close-toed shoes, ear protection when necessary, and pay attention.  Horsewomen (don't feel left out, boys) are badasses, but the good kind work smarter, not harder.  You can do anything you set your mind to, but make sure you have been properly instructed, know your equipment, and always plan ahead. 

What I Used (but there are lots of options I'll try to cover)

Photobombing level.

Tools:

• Skilsaw (optional)
• Drill loaded w/ drill bit (optional)
• Impact Driver loaded w/ screwdriver bit (my new love plus I hate changing bits -- that goes for horses and drills ha, but also optional & you can use a screwdriver bit in your drill or a hand screwdriver)
• Measuring Tape (optional) 
• Pencil (or Sharpie, crayon, paint pen of your choice, optional, feeling easy yet?)
• Wood Screws (w/ good sharp ones you don't HAVE to drill anything)

Lumber:  (2) 2" x 4" scraps (dimensions optional)
              (1) 1" x 6" scrap (dimensions optional)

Other Materials:  Yer flowerz & a camera so you can share your masterpiece.  And a phone in case you have to dial 911.  Hey, "proactive, not reactive" doesn't just apply to riding.

Dang.  Click to read labels.

Step 1:  Get your shit together (don't worry, not mentally, I'd never try that dangerous task!).

I dug my three pieces of wood out of my scrap lumber pile (collected from house construction dumpster; I didn't use a level, it was just in the bag).  They were all around 26" (I didn't care, just wanted it small enough to move easily), I just cut the end off one to match the shorter one (optional).  One also has a diagonal cut on end.  Don't care. 

In the photo above, the yellow box is drill bits and the cardboard box is leftover screws from my HorseGuard fence insulators.  Real pencils work better than mechanical pencils for wood, but I was too lazy to walk to house.  The drill & driver came as a set when my trusty Black & Decker finally died after over 10 years of very hard work in 2013.  Since I had to replace it and was moving to the farm, I made the switch last year to lithium batteries.  Worth. It.  As I learned from my dad, buy a good tool and you only have to buy it once.  And these really are a phenomenal deal if you do your own work, I use them every single day.  I didn't even know what an impact driver was but it came with the drill...and now I don't know how I ever lived without it.  Never strip a screw again!

Step 2:  (sorry, forgot a picture)  Lay your 1x6 flat on the ground.  Set your 2x4's where you want them on top (now your box should be assembled upside down).  Mark the inside edges of the 2x4's with a pencil on your 1x6.  Now you have an area on each side of your 1x6 to drill pilot holes so you don't end up shooting them through the edges of your 2x4's (ah, experience...)

Step 3:  Uh-oh, I spy a slight problem (aside from crappy phone camera depth of field fail).  My screws will be a bit short for a secure grip on the 2x4's.  I am too lazy to walk to the house (errr, theme...) to dig through scrap hardware box.  Solution:  I will drill pilot holes with appropriate sized bit for screw (you want to choose one just a tiny bit smaller than your screw diameter [I very scientifically hold them next to each other and eyeball it] so the screw can still bite into the wood).  Then I will use a larger drill bit to countersink the screws so I can drive them deeper without totally splitting my 1x6 to bits.

Sounds complicated.  Not.  In the drill bit picture, I used the 2nd bit from the right to drill the pilot holes through the 1x6.  Note:  I ONLY drilled through the 1x6, with it sitting on the grass because (1) I'm an idiot and would totally drill through my stall mats and (2) I don't want to drill into the 2x4 because I want the screw to have its best grip there. 

Then, I loaded fatty bit (seen in drill, I think it's 1/4") and on the top side of the pilot holes, drilled a larger opening just as deep as the head of the screw so the top of the screw will be flush with or slightly below the surface of the wood.  Now the screw will reach farther into my 2x4.  Woot!

Step 3:  My holes are drilled in my 1x6 so I line it up on top of my 2x4's and install screws.  Tips:  (1) Put a foot, weight, or a knee on the assembled box so it doesn't move during drilling.  (2) I put in corner screws first so they will hold the boards aligned so the rest of the screws are easy.  (3) This is where the impact driver is handy-the screws will be tougher to turn when they hit the 2x4 but the driver just laughs and does its thing.  (4)  I used 4 screws on each side.  3 would have been plenty.  I have a problem with over-engineering.  Because I am now kicking myself for not running a bead of wood glue in each seam before the screws.  Since plastic flowers are SO HEAVY.

WTF level??!

Step 4:  Woohoo!  You have a nice little box, as shown (you can see the diagonal end on one 2x4, I just left it, not important).  I was totally going to just eyeball the holes for the flowers, but I decided it would bug me later when they weren't centered, heh.  I had 5 stems (that's my $5 project cost, since I had everything else) so I just measured and marked where each hole would go, starting with the center and working out.  Naturally, I discovered diameter of stems was larger than diameter of chosen drill bit (*facepalm* of course, but I wanted to be conservative so stems wouldn't blow out).  Went up one bit size, all good.

Finit!!  Arrange, enjoy, and be creative!

You can now stain it, paint it, add more flowers, add more holes, use the sides, plaster with stickers, dance around it giggling at your awesomeness (hey, it's the little achievements), or...

Just Jump It!!!

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How To Make Your Own "Soft Ride" Boots

Remember when I posted useful articles on this blog?  Me neither.  However, today, I actually do have something useful to offer you!  Do try & hide your shock.

Soft Ride Boots:  the hottest trend in trailering when they hit the market two or three years ago (or less.  or more.  I lose track of time generally.).  "Reducing fatigue, enhancing performance, & helping treat & prevent injuries," these boots promise to pretty much eliminate the need for a vet, trainer, & sleep all at once!

Ok, perhaps I exaggerate a bit for effect, but while the concept of absorbing concussive shock traveling through the trailer frame to the floor & your horse's feet is a good one, marketing, as often occurs, goes a wee smidge over the top.

Note:  This post does not apply to use of any kind of boot for veterinary or therapeutic hoof issues which require daily wear.  I speak only in the context of booting a trailered horse for comfort.  Hopefully, those are obviously different scenarios to be addressed on a case by case basis.  

Not to mention, as with all normal things (human shoe inserts or foam cut-outs, anyone), give it a special horsey name & hint that it might knock a few points off your dressage score all while keeping Dobbin sounder, & you can mark up the price by approximately 4000%.  So, a gel pad that you stick on your horse's hoof which he will promptly stomp in his own poop can be yours, in a pair even, for around $200.

*pause for personal need to repeat hysterical choking sounds*

The Epics: great for non-forgers

Now, Soft Ride folks, my apologies if you are miffed at my badgering, but it does not carry any ill will nor even am I suggesting you have an unhelpful product.  I own a pair of both EasyBoot Epics (they did work when they stayed on...) & Cavallo Sport Boots, the latter of which I adore & are worn by Solo every time he is ridden off grass.

Both have had foam inserts for cushioning while riding as well.  Although both paid for themselves by replacing horseshoes.  And EasyCare has done the same thing as Soft Ride with the EasyBoot Rx hitting you up around $150 a pair, though they avoided some of the grandiose verbage.

I am simply offering an alternative solution for those of us who live down here in the real world (or even worse, my poverty world) where we have to actually CHOOSE which things we spend money on instead of just buy them all.  There certainly is value in convenience sometimes, but it doesn't have to be unreachable. 

If you are anything like me, every time you feel & hear that 'clunk' of your trailer coming down after a lump or hole, you murmur an apology to your horse that he is never going to get Air-Ride (unless HE comes up with $6,500).  But given what I ask my horses to do, I do want to lessen that series of a gazillion impact waves (particularly on VA cheese-grater roads) traveling up through the joints of his fetlocks, hocks, stifles, & back.  I just did not have & was not going to throw $200 at it.

Straight out of the bag

Enter the Hoof Wrap:  a step above buying a foam pad alone or cutting one out of insulation board & duct taping it on (duct tape tends to be single use only).  These are basically reusable (& extremely durable, it turns out) ballistic nylon foot napkins with a lot of velcro.

They also come with their own 1.5" thick EVA foam pad (replaceable for only $7 or you can double up) for cushion & if you want more (I do in VA!), you can add a gel pad (which even smells like odd incense thanks to an infusion of tea tree oil).

All components are reusable; I don't use the gel every time I use the wrap, but it's been on at least four long trips.  Want to go hog wild?  Mix & match all kinds of thickness & density pads for $14 & just cut to a fit you like.

And at $20 per foot for wrap & foam pad, you can instead spend $80 & come out with TWO pairs (I only outfitted his hind feet for a mere $40).  Like any type of hoof boot or wrap, they take a few applications to get used to.  But the straps are numbered in the order in which you should attach them (THANK YOU!).

If you make sure the foot is centered & you pull the velcro tight, they even stay put in the trailer.  If you like, add a strip of tape (hello, colour coordination!) around the foot for backup.

With gel pad added.  It had an odd aromatherapy...

Encore models

I would say it takes me a total of about four minutes to apply both hind wraps & I only use them for trips of two hours or more (or if I'm entering VA, period).  But effectively, it creates the same device at 1/4 of the price (1/2 if you add gel pads, but still...and hey, that rhymed).

And yes, I did observe a marked reduction of stiffness & let-down time coming off the trailer when I use them vs. prior long trips in just horseshoes.

You're welcome.

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