March 7, 2015

When 'Failure' Isn't Failure

Brilliantly perfect!
Before I sate your curiosity about the title, I have to comment on my Problem With Posting.  It's easy to see the trend when you look at our archive tab over there on the right. 

But the root lies deep within my weird special brain:  I have lots of draft posts, but I can't bring myself to hit that "Publish" button until they are Good Enough.  The problem arises from the fact that I set my own bar a wee bit high (sadly, not the good kind of high, heh).  So getting to Good Enough for a single post is hours of work & research.

It's even on the shirt...
Just Post It.  It's Just A Blog!

I should & it is.  But those of you who have been insanely following our story over time have most likely read my "mission statement" (yes, I'm doing some experiments building an "About Us" page, you can find it by clicking our logo in the left sidebar as well)  While useful & valuable as a record of our adventures, this blog began & remains a labour of love not just about me, but for YOU.  There's a reason for the word "team" in that logo... 

The undercurrent I strive for & the reason I share our stories is this:  there are many of us out there, the Adult Amateur, working full-time & then some, juggling busy lives & sunset tables to squeeze in every minute we can with our giant, baffling, wonderful, suicidal, maddening equine partners & friends.  And I want you to know that you are not alone in the ups AND the downs.

The blessing is being part of this great community; the curse is my own fixation on providing content of value that doesn't make your brain bleed when you try to follow the rambling (yeah, there's a lot of editing...).

It sucks...
Back To That Title, If You Don't Mind?

I shamelessly confess I am reposting this from a conversation with a younger friend, who is struggling, as many of us have & continue to do, with that tug-of-war between our longing to spent every waking moment with/on/near horses & the rude fact that we have to pay bills, mortgages, & other irritating obligations. 

More than a few get caught straddling the fence of "I want to make horses my life, but I don't want to live in a dumpster & I need health insurance."  Pile on that most difficult period of life my friend is in, the early-to-mid 20's angst, when you feel like you should know what you are doing & where you are...  Good times.

BFF & Pete the WonderHorse:  The Bests
Why Can't I Just Make My Dreams Come True?

I'm lucky to have an amazing BFF, we've had many conversations about this, as we share lives of unending crises. We agreed that my generation was just pounded with what was really a terrible message in disguise: "Follow your dreams, you can have anything you want if you just want it bad enough, and you will be happy."

Not to say we shouldn't dream nor should we stop trying to achieve what is important & gives meaning to us.  But the message was delivered almost as an order & left many people feeling like they had failed if they weren't among the lucky whose desire crossed paths with opportunity & means.

Which couldn't be farther from the truth.  The truth is that as we get older, really, that just means more time has passed in which things happen to us. Some are beautiful. Some are shattering. Many fall somewhere in between. There's a lot we can't control or ever anticipate.

Patience & Practice...Are Hard But Necessary

One of my life mantras is "nothing lasts forever." NOTHING. Nothing in the universe. Things can suck for a REALLY long time, but everything comes to an end. Great things come to end too, which is why it is so important to try & remember to relish those moments.

Just like eventing, it's a journey. Or a book. There are many chapters. But there is no Table of Contents (dammit). Or index or map. Which is probably a good thing, because I'm not sure any person's brain could even face the enormity of it.

Perhaps it's better summed by saying that there is a balance. Constantly-shifting perhaps, but we just have to feel it out. And we get better with practice. And experience. Even experience we don't particularly want.

Who could ask for more?
There Is Respite

At the moment, I'm a human wasteland, exhausted, with 400 impossible work deadlines that go all the way up to Congress. But for 40 minutes Wednesday evening, a pomegranate sunset escorted Solo & I around the farm bareback & he lifted his back into a soft trot up the neighbour's long drive.

In Thursday's ice rain, it was hard to believe I was wearing a t-shirt & jeans, but for those 40 minutes, it was me & my best buddy, with him saving me yet again, & I couldn't suppress my laugh when he pulled at the bridle for more.

Not exactly proportional, but...balance. Ish.


  1. great post - so often it's the simplest moments with my horse that remind me why i do all the crazy stuff to keep that horse in my life!

    1. Having tasted many different flavours of crazy, horse crazy is definitely (well, in the long run, heh) a good one. It sounds better when I call it 'Equine Assisted Therapy.' :)

  2. Can I just say, that you've echoed my recent sentiments in those post so perfectly?!

    1. Well, thank you, you have illustrated perfectly the point I was trying to make about so many of us in this same, tumultuous boat!! :D

  3. oh yes, enjoy every single ride - and there is a good thing even in the worst of them ;) and regarding publishing a blog: just do it! that is also something that we sometimes have to do - as conscious grown ups with serious jobs and lives ;)

  4. After reading your comments under my blog and reading this and hitting your link, I understand more now then when I orginially read the link. Seriously, you have a gift and you should do more, trust your gut more and then, release your words even if they "are just good enough". Thank you for all that you do!

    1. You are too kind, Suzanne, & so generous in your own time of mourning. As you have wisely noted, writing is indeed cathartic, but the story I need to tell, I am not quiiite there yet. It's in my head...along with a lot of other things, heh.

      But I am glad that I could offer a little something -- actually, I had forgotten about my link to 2012 (ahh, giant text blocks!) & I went back & read it last night when I saw your comments. I wish I could say I've come a long way, but...I have just decided that I have no idea!

      My love to you & all that was dear, wonderful, unique Sugar! Want a bold liver chestnut Training Level TB that is big, athletic, & professional? Someone's got to get him fit, I'm too damn tired...