March 17, 2011

Are You Ready To Be A Horse Owner?

Wondering if you are ready to take the big step of having a horse of your own? I have come up with an iron-clad test of preparedness for horse ownership.

Step 1: Go to your bank and withdraw $500 or the balance of your account, whichever is greater. Small bills are better.

Step 2: Take your cash home and carry it to your backyard.

Step 3: Carefully arrange your bills in a pile on the ground. This is why you want small bills -- it makes a bigger pile.

Step 4: Sprinkle the pile liberally with diesel fuel.

Step 5: Drop a match into the center of the pile.

Step 6: As you watch your money burn, carefully evaluate your feelings.

If:  you are bothered by the sight of your hard-earned cash being incinerated before your eyes for no apparent reason, you are not ready to be a horse owner.

If: you find yourself undisturbed by the sudden and unexpected disappearance of your money and maybe, in fact, you even giggle a little and dance around the flames, congratulations: you will make an excellent horse owner! You have no emotional attachment to your liquid assets and will remain calm when asked to part with most or all of it on a regular basis. Head on over to DreamHorse now!

That's a pretty big smile -- obviously a seasoned owner!


  1. Hahahaha, Dom, it was arbitrary. Maybe just because that was in the vicinity of more than one of my recent vet bills.

  2. You forgot the part that goes "repeat monthly".

    That's what gets me. I wonder if I could feed Izzy dollar bills instead of hay. Might be cheaper.

  3. Ohhh, good point, SB. One must indeed be prepared to repeat this process on a regular basis.

  4. $500? I don't think I'd even flinch for that anymore. Clearly I've been owning horses too long. Awesome post.

  5. True to the point of being scary. Except that someone needs to be chipping away at your heart while giving you Ecstasy to experience all the wild highs and lows of horse ownership. Or really any animal. They are so exhausting and rewarding!

  6. *FDL* I found your blog by accident after visiting Eventing a Gogo. But it's really great, this post made me laugh out loud at work. Of course I got the *stare* You know the one you get when you try to explain something to a non-horsey person, and they just don't get why mucking stalls is relaxing, or wrestling daily with a 1500 LB animal is fun. Love the blog.


  7. Catie -- I agree, $500 doesn't sound like very much all of a sudden. Dammit.

    Too true, Alana.

    Nicole, I googled FDL and Wikipedia said you are a member of the Federation of Italian Liberals. Urban Dictionary suggests you are a Fashionably Dressed Lesbian OR you are saying f*cking down low. As I am equally entertained by all of them, I have decided not to choose! But thank you so much for your kind words and for stopping by!

  8. Seriously funny (and scary)!

    Now try the same thing, but have your SO standing next to you and gauge his or her reaction as you burn both your dollars! That part might not be as amusing. ;)

  9. Val, you are living the risky life if you let the SO watch.

  10. Ha - this reminds me greatly of what BOAT really stands for: Break Out Another Thousand. So let's reinterpret...


    Hardly Own Reasonably Simple Equine?

    Hear Our Retirement Savings Exit?

    Anybody else want to play? :-)

  11. How convenient that you post this the same day I give my BF his first riding lesson. This really helped explain things to him. :)

  12. Oh, RW, I LOVE Hear Our Retirement Savings Exit, ROFL!!! Genius!

    Have Other Resources Suitably Entrained

    How Only Rich Survive Effortlessly

    SP, good idea to start training now -- it shall pay off in your future!

  13. HA HA HA HA! Thanks for the laugh. So true!

  14. Hubby asks me to inform you that it should be here, not hear... as in "here, our retirement savings exit"! ;)

  15. Loved it....should I take my husband along to the burning ceremony, or just burn half of it in front of him and the other half in secret and then kid on it was just the rising cost of living, nothing to do with the horse...

  16. It is probably safer if the husbands never find out how much it really costs....

  17. That's funny and oh so true. . .

  18. Muah, ha ha... That's awesome and exactly what you need to do when you're looking for a horse.