The Demands We Make On Ourselves

Operation Solo Rehab is on Day 3. It's hard to not ask him to be round and bendy; it takes me forcing myself to just get up off his back, give him his head and just let him trot and canter around per Dr. Bob's orders. I put the jumping saddle on last night so I would be less tempted to sit there. God knows my two point needs work anyway.

He feels ok. I still think there is something going on in his left hind. But he's ALWAYS been uneven in that leg. Maybe he always will and I just need to accept it and move on. He's not lame, it's just a little weaker and more resistant there. It is very subtle, I can't even see it from the ground, but I can feel it at certain times.

Which brings me to my current subject of thoughtful contemplation: patience. It's something I pretty much suck at with people, but have an abundance of with animals. And it's something we as horse people are constantly challenged by, as I am recently reminded by several other bloggers who are struggling with issues, as we all have at one time or another.

Part of me says, well, I took Solo to vet, vet went pop, pop, pop, Solo should now be fixed and fine so let's get on with it already! But, as we all know, it doesn't work that way. I am telling myself over and over, you have to give the body time. Time to heal, time to strengthen, time to adjust.

It is so hard for me to do this: I have a goal (which is rare for me, I'm generally all about the day-to-day journey), I have a plan. I am ready to take steps forward to that goal. So when I am derailed in the plan, I beat myself up. You messed up, I tell myself, you mismanaged, you were too slow, you made the wrong decision, now you are off track.

This, of course, is not really fair. I don't let my friends do this to themselves, however, I expect myself to be superhuman. Something which I don't think is all that uncommon among the ranks of independent horsewomen (and men, although I think just due to our natures, us girls tend to be a bit more blame-y on ourselves. We get emotional, I can own it). So this is a lecture to my brain.

Training is the same way. I've talked before about how horse training is NOT a linear process. We must be patient and allow that there are going to be bad days, there are going to be mistakes, and there are going to be backtracks. But instead of beating ourselves over the head when this happens, we instead should welcome the opportunity to fill in training holes and to really focus on what our horse is telling us. Because I have found that I often learn the most about myself and my horse when working on these holes and as we fill them in and tamp down the metaphorical dirt, the pleasure of the more complete horse you get out of it is measurable.

Now can I live up to all of this? HA! Not bloody likely! But I aspire to it. On rare occasions, I pull it off. More often, I sit my frustrated self down and give myself a stern talking-to while prying my clenched teeth apart with a drill bit. I should probably just print "BE PATIENT" on a huge piece of posterboard and tape it to Solo's stall door.

David told me recently in a jumping lesson, "Allow the jump time to develop; the greater the quality of the jump, the longer it will take to develop and occur and it's ok to just wait for it to happen. Rushing it will only cause it to fall apart." I think it's a good analogy to extrapolate to any other situation you can imagine: allow things time to develop, time to happen, and allow yourself time to process, learn, and adapt. When we rush things or when we fail at being patient with ourselves, it all just falls apart and we end up in the corner, punching ourselves and muttering angrily (ok, maybe that last is just me).

Let's all remind ourselves to take a deep breath and cut ourselves a little slack. It's good to be driven and it's good to be accountable. But let's give the process time to happen and be ok with however long that time is, whether it be healing or learning or strengthening. And maybe when we catch each other falling into the self-flagellation trap, we can offer a helping hand of encouragement -- or at least a damn stiff drink.

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There Is No "I" In Team

But there is a "me" which is practically the same as a Solo! Hey, it makes sense in my head.

Who makes up our team? I have talked about them before, but I wanted to take a moment to recognize the core members -- without whom we would be unable to accomplish any of this crazy adventure.

Each one is "mission critical" & I am indebted to them all. There are, of course, others who have touched our lives along the way, but if I write them ALL down, I fear you'd be stuck reading for days.  So, in no particular order, on the short list, I introduce to you --

Team Flying Solo:

Dr. Bob: Our vet & answerer of all my 1,001 questions. A former eventer himself, he always has a ready smile & an apparently boundless store of information about the needs & management of the sporthorse. He always answers the phone with a "So, how's my buddy doing?" & never fails to consider what is best for Solo over what is best for his checking account.

Johnathan: Our wonderful farrier. He always takes his time, never brushes off my inquiries (Dr. Bob is not alone in being subjected to my barrage of questions on regular basis), & is always working to further his own education & broaden his skillset. He can also simultaneously discuss the latest triumph or flop on American Idol.

Priscilla: Magical dressage trainer. Capable of sneaking progress up on us when we thought we weren't doing all that much. Generous, encouraging, & creative when it comes to doing an end run around Solo's dressage tantrums. She can also keep you entertained for several hours at a time with horse stories.

David: (right) Oh-so-patient jumping trainer. Since he has completed the "big boys" of Burghley & Rolex, I never fail to be intimidated when I walk in the ring. But he is unfailingly kind, generous with his time, & extremely talented at bringing out the best in horse & rider. He doesn't even yell at me when I do something stupid -- I believe he has noticed that I tend to beat myself up plenty, no use kicking a girl while she's down.

Mum: What can you say about mum? Not only a cheerleader, but taker of great pictures & the one who makes it possible for us to even attend competitions. We'd be stuck bored to death at home without her support!

Jim: (left, with Smokey the wonderdog) Do I even need to list why? I will anyway. Not only did he make a gift of Solo, he supplied us with our rig & other goodies, including more than a few great photographs of his own. His unfailing love & support in this great passion of mine was a true & rare gift & one which I will always treasure no matter what.

lifeshighway: Our BFF & conditioning partner. She & her horse, Pete, are endurance racers & have taught me so much about conditioning & managing the equine athlete. She has also, for some nutty reason, listened to all the intricacies of the ups & downs of our journey with never a complaint as I flounder my way along, thinking out loud.

All of you:  That's right, my fellow horse junkies.  Your kind words & support mean the world to me & are a bolster to my courage when progress stalls or motivation lags.  The fact that you take the time to read & contribute is a great & thoughtful thing.  Thank you!

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I Didn't Think We Could

I was cleaning up some draft posts today -- I store snippits of thoughts and ideas for later pondering.  At the top of the sorting list was this one, from late in March of this past year, 2010:

Can Solo even make it to Training Level? Can he take me to my goal? Have I aimed higher than his body can accomodate? Perhaps I am being too ambitious and we won't be able to get there.

I remember well the grave and lingering doubt. The spring season was almost over and we had not completed one event and finished in 18th with a pulled back muscle at another. My horse felt tired and I wondered if we would ever be able to conquer Novice level.

We did another HT that weekend following my troubled thoughts. I believe I recall flying jump rails, although I also recall a thrilling dressage score.

But the flickering wings of doubt still hovered around mental corners and I studied my horse with many a furrowed brow.

And then there was summer and field season and me working myself to death and then there was heat and more heat and still more heat and Solo's summer break.

And then there was fall.

I studied my goal and I got back on my horse. Vitamins had brought his body back in balance. A vacation had pricked his ears. Hmmm....

Then I had a conversation with Becky Holder. I asked (trying not to appear tipsy and idiotic even though I'd already thrown back a wee bit of barn aisle wine...) if I was perhaps a moron for wanting to take a horse to a classic 3-day when he would be 16. Becky had just taken Comet to WEG at 14 and I wanted her insight. I believe her words were Absolutely not. And we talked about management and fitness and timing and all of a sudden, I found myself able to believe again.

Two days later, my horse hopped up and down double steps on the cross country field and popped through combinations without blinking. And my goal was resuscitated, the doubt shoved back into its cage, and I knew we could do it.

The point of all this rambling, you patient readers, you, is that sometimes, yes, this whole crazy journey seems impossible. There have been times and probably will again be times where my willpower staggers in the face of uncountable variables. And the place I am in today, the place that Solo and I are in right now, is not one that I expected. It was beyond my visible horizon, and yet, here we are, getting ready to embark on Training Level and storm the barricades around our 3-Day goal.

Which brings me to you: all of you out there who have some thing you want to do with your horses. When we start out, sometimes it seems too big or too hard, but I am standing here today and telling you -- just because you can't see it on your horizon, doesn't mean it's not waiting just beyond the curvature of the earth. Just because you can't see the entirety of the road that takes you there, doesn't mean that path doesn't exist. All it requires of you is that you keep putting one foot, one hoof in front of the other and that you keep trying.

Because before you know it, my friends, you will wake up one day and, surprise, you will be there. Maybe not along the route you thought, and maybe not at the time you planned, but progress will indeed have found its way to you.

Solo and I still have a long way to go. It means a great deal to me that you've participated in our journey thus far. We really have come to a place that I wasn't sure we could make and I am stunned and thrilled to be here. We're going to keep on trying and keep our eyes on the track ahead. And the message that I want all of you to hang on to, even when you feel discouraged or too far behind or too tired, is that, whatever your goal is, whether it's running at Prelim or jumping a crossrail or going on your first trail ride, if you keep at it, you can do it.

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Committing

They say that saying something out loud makes it real.  Well then, let me make real the overarching goal that has been driving me to bring Solo along and making the fire in my belly.

It started a year ago when I drove north to volunteer at Waredaca's Training 3 Day Event (T3DE) in Maryland. The 3DE series is one that is steadily growing with support of USEA. These are full, long-format, "classic" events, the way Rolex used to be before FEI and the Olympic committee had their way with the sport.

This means you not only do your three phases, but cross country day is a TRUE endurance day, starting with Phase A, Roads and Tracks, Phase B, Steeplechase, Phase C, Roads and Tracks II, and Phase D, Cross Country.

I spent my Waredaca weekend running scores, setting up arenas, running the start box on Phase D, and keeping the jog up running smoothly. The cross country course blew my mind, it was so amazing and the grins I saw at the end of endurance day were unmatched at any I have been to.

I was also watching and learning and participating in all the educational stuff that was offered for competitors and volunteers alike. As I drove home that Sunday evening, one thought burned in my mind:

I WANT TO DO THIS. This, this one incredible event, this will be MY Rolex, MY endgame, and my goal for Solo.

So here we are a year later. Solo has made fantastic strides this year, progressing far more than I could have imagined. After our jumping lesson on Saturday, I was talking with a friend and suddenly, it dawned on me:

"I think I have a Training Level horse," I murmured. "Excuse me, I have to go throw up."

The problem with T3DE though, is that you can't just sign up; you have to qualify. This sport has no mercy for poor people like me. If the soundness gods smile upon us, we somehow scrape funding together, and I stay on my horse, my goal is to qualify for Waredaca in 2012. Solo will be 16 and I don't want to push my luck any farther than that.

So, to qualify, here is what we have to complete in the next two years:

Four recognized Training Level events (we take donations of any type, thank you!), with "Nationally Qualifying Rides:"  

• Dressage score under 50
• NO jumping penalties on cross country (yes, this means no run outs, no refusals, no falling off)
• 12 or less stadium penalties (4 rails, no refusals).

What could possibly go wrong???

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So Much To Do, So Little Time

Ever feel like you are juggling 12 balls in the air at once and although it seems to be going ok, if you dare to blink, they will all crash to the floor?

Yeah, that's what now is.  So much to plan and prep for! 

Operation Belly Burner is going well:  I can actually see my horse's ribs when he is moving now, turns out the fat did not dissolve them after all!  He continues to improve on the longe, giving me longer periods of stretching trot into the vienna reins and three (!!!) laps of canter at a time.  He has rhythm like a freaking metronome and is moving well.

We are officially registered for a Becky Holder long format clinic in early October. It has come at a perfect time; I was really despairing on how we were ever going to learn how to do all those fun extras like steeplechase. No one in my area really has a track set up, but lo and behold an email falls in my inbox from a new farm just over the border in SC about this clinic. It's like the heavens are psychic and we are IN!

I have NINE DAYS left before I leave for mum and I's Grand Ecuador Adventure. Omg omg OMG!!

After I get back from Ecuador, it's all prep for the clinic and for our first horse trial of the fall season: Halloween weekend at the Virginia Horse Trials!

So -- tell me about your balls! Hahahhaha, yes, I HAD to say it!

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A Bun In The Oven

HA!  It's not what you think.  I am a vehement non-breeder (both pet and human) -- I just happen to feel like a bun sitting in an oven because it's SO DAMN HOT outside.  Hence why I have been remiss in providing you with endlessly entertaining posts (just lie and say they are, it makes me feel better).

Solo is on his post-spring-event-season break, which perfectly coincided with when it got hot anyway, so my motivation plummeted. I got on him Tuesday night just to do a little bit of arena work -- he's pretty much had a week and a half off except for one short trail ride. Before the break, Solo just felt tired in the back end and was schlumping around. Tuesday, he felt great, much looser and more forward after having time to just chill. Seems like Dr. Bob was right yet again.

I don't think we'll really hit training full on for a bit still. Our next event is...I'm not sure when. There's a possibility of one in August but it would entail a drive I'm not keen on. We are DEFINITELY hitting Virginia Horse Trials in October. Perhaps we'll just hit the local dressage series a few time until then...

When we do resume training, I think we'll go for a slower, steadier approach. Solo really seems to do better with days of hacking or just chilling between each real work session. I will just have to really make sure I focus on keeping him fit with that stuff.

So our fall target, instead of the ATC's (sigh) will be Virginia. This will be when I will shoot to have Solo at his apex of fitness, yet rested and bright eyed. Then he can trickle off after that at a couple of schooling trials we have planned for November. It seems so far away, but summer's already in full swing; I have a feeling it will pounce on me quite unawares.

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Challenges Are Challenging

One of the things I did once I decided to event Solo was to read. Everything. I know, shocking, right? Nerd girl who reads everything read about her newly proclaimed hobby?! Any article I could google, follow a link to, or find in a magazine, I voraciously devoured. I read about conditioning, riding XC obstacles, about dressage for the eventer, about trainers, tack, rules, and training.

A primary question you are faced with when entering a discipline is (a) what level should I be at and (b) how do I know when to move up a level? In eventing today, this has become a particularly prickly question as we all want to make sure that when we DO move up, both we and our horses are truly ready to face the new challenges safely.

Oh, don't worry, there are even articles about this!

In all horsey things, even though I have spent decades on the back of horses, I have always competed at the lowest levels. Training and First Level dressage, 2'6" and lower hunters. So logically, I entered the Beginner Novice level in eventing (since I was pretty comfortable jumping a 2'6" vertical, I thought Maiden was a bit too small for me and Solo snorted disdainfully in agreement, citing that 8" logs weren't really worth his effort, TYVM.).

According to the experts, it's time to move up when, to put it most simply, your current level bores you. Of course, it's not actually that simple, because there are plenty of people who THINK they are bored at their level but they really still have a lot to learn. Another trap is people who think they have to be perfect at a level before moving up. You don't have to win a blue ribbon every trip out -- really, you don't have to win a blue ribbon ever, you just need to be able to safely, confidently, and competently navigate your level and finish feeling just as confident as when you started.

Of course, this is not to say that I have learned everything, but this was my thought process: the dressage test was easy. No, we did not get perfect, or even awesome scores as there are certainly things we needed to work on, but it was basically W/T/C with a few circles.

By last winter, I found the XC courses were very easy for both Solo and I, no obstacles were problematic, everything always went smoothly and I was often disappointed that the obstacles, to me, were too small and things like banks (I LOVE BANKS!) were often omitted.

Once we figured out how to go forward, the stadium courses were very simple -- all we had to do was not forget where we were going and I had no concerns, as Solo cleared everything by a mile.

Which all boiled down to -- I felt everything was very easy and we weren't learning anything new, except in the dressage. But the Novice dressage test is really not any different than the Beginner Novice test, there is just more bending. So if I was going to be annoyed by dressage anyway, why not be annoyed while learning from new and more exciting jump courses? The things we need to work on in the dressage arena are the same issues EVERYONE struggles with, more balance, more straightness, better connection. Nothing that's going to be solved by staying at BN forever!

It's a bit hard for me to elucidate it all because it really was a bit like a revelation to me one day as we walked a course with a Novice level friend and I thought, gee, I sure wish I was riding HER course because mine is kinda boring. Of course now, having committed to moving up, all of a sudden, the jump courses are a huge challenge all over again and I am daily tempted to back down to the "sure thing" that I already know we can do at BN. But then what would be the point if we never challenge ourselves to grow?

Are there others of you who have struggled with and made this choice? Do you think there are better ways for riders to answer the question? When did you know it was time to take that big step into the relative unknown of a new level in your riding?

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I Am A Sheep

I'm not much for "New Year's Resolutions" but in this instance, for the record, I am going to follow the flock and bleat out some goals for 2010.

We will:

-Complete at least two recognized events at the Novice level, one being the Adult Team Challenge this August at Waredaca.

-Get through a dressage test at a competition in such a way that the judge is not left with an obvious impression that both my horse and I have our teeth clenched in distaste.

-Figure out what the heck is going on with Solo's back feet so we can move back to barefoot land back there.

-Gallop and jump through the woods with the wind in our hair and bugs stuck in our respective grins.

-Give thanks every day for the amazing partnership we share (well, I will, Solo probably just gives thanks for carrots and hay) and the incredible gift of Solo and his huge, kind, generous, brave, red heart.

What are YOUR hopes for your 2010 journey??

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The Road Show

I am off to Waredaca Training 3-Day Event (link on our calendar at right) to volunteer and hopefully learn a thing or two. Hopefully, someday I will be driving up there with Solo in the trailer to compete (after money falls from the sky, Solo magically learns to stay on the bit, & I figure out how to ride properly)...

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