Because that's pretty much what it's like trying to pin down sentences in my brain anymore. Little buggers are elusive...
I know my last post was not entirely upbeat.
But a life is always far more complicated to actually DO
than it may appear.
It could appear that my life is its own paradise. And there are many good things:
The farm is beautiful in every kind of light.
Fall field work, aside from the 4-hour drive
to get to the watershed, is usually a lovely change from the heat-stroke ridden
July trips.
Two chestnut faces greet me
twice a day, each voice unique.
But memories can be haunting.
But I’m doing my best to break everything into 5-minute
increments. My brain can just about DO 5
minutes. And then I can check something,
however small, off the list.
Well, my knee surgeon told me in 2012 I'm not allowed to run. But I have a match
in my hand (which means I’m probably
burning my fingers, heh), though it flickers. And I'm walking as fast
as I can.
And damn it, I'm going to at least see what the walls of the
tunnel are made out of. And then my
horses & I are going to gallop out into blazing sunlight.
At which point we’ll probably trip & throw a shoe, but
hey, someone’s got to provide comic relief!
I felt a restless hassle, mixed with now-familiar fatigue, as I slipped the saddle billets
into girth buckles.
Why am I doing all this?
I seem to have lost my goals for the time being…
Rational brain shook a finger at impulsive brain, saying, "Just get on the horse, you’ll see why."
I sighed & buckled my helmet strap as I led Encore into
the top field.
With a quiet, ready eye, he took his place by my mounting
cinder block/dressage letter & I swung up to his back with a fistful of
mane.
As I slid my foot into the opposite stirrup & gave Encore
his cue of Good Boy! to move forward into the crisp dusk of autumn, I looked
towards my pond over my left shoulder.
That’s why.
Last autumn's pond delights
Oranges & reds of the setting sun were reflected in the
concentric circles rippling out from a spot where a fish popped up to nab an
insect, breaking the mirror surface of the water.
After the windy damp of the hurricane & the too-many rainy
days before it, the clean breaths of a sun-cleansed evening were a glorious
gift.
Everything in my body clicked into its respective place, my
muscles wrapping around & channeling the energy of my horse, both us
reveling in the sheer act of motion.
He
responded in kind, stretching over his back, reaching up through the bridle for
the connection, soft & ready to use his restless body.
Yes, most definitely yes. That’s why.
C'mon, mom, there's a whole world out there for us!
On these quiet evenings, having walked out to groom the horses as the weekend rain subsides, I'm reminded of a constant. That balm which soothes pain, fear, worry, even exhaustion, which has been the solace of my life as far back as memory can reach.
So I share it anew, as I think it cannot be possible to ponder it too often.
Striking: five years ago seems another lifetime, yet some patterns persist, before & since. This text is excerpted & slightly updated, you can find the original post here.
Little Melodies
I often feel sorry for people who never
know the companionship of animals, outdoors in their own realm. Their playlists are missing the sweetest music I know.
Just today, I am struck with the notes: embraced by the gathering dusk, my left hand rests on warm, red hair while my right guides a soft
brush in its particular rhythmic chord over Solo's side. Pay attention
to that sound next time you groom: there is a real, earthy
caress in its tone.
Prairie Warbler surveys FSF
Sheltered alongside us, there is the ever-present,
ever-pleasant undertone of Encore pulling at his hay. A barred owl throws his signature announcement to the evening sky, following the burbling arpeggio of an immature bluebird snatching gnats from the fenceline.
I can
feel my heartbeat slowing & my subconscious finally allows the tension to leak
out of my muscles.
It's a quiet symphony, syncopated by Solo's tail, a gentle,
slow, swishing counterpoint. The growing chirps of the crickets, the string section of all Southern nights, adds a higher
harmony.
You will never hear it on the radio, although it's not because such
peaceful music is rare. But drinking it in doesn't cost a thing beyond allowing an inviting silence, through which the song may enter your
life.
Take a sip; you may find yourself enriched in ways you never
knew existed. You too can know the wonder of feeling your pulse hum
in tune to the ancient song of horse, of nature, of life. It is always there,
just waiting for you to listen.
Better late than never? But after our own exciting jumping achievement this morning (sometimes small, uneventful jumps are a really big deal!), I can finally get around to posting -
My Five Favourite Points Of Five Points HT (say it five times faster)
Because there really was a lot of fabulous outside of the unfortunate. In no particular order, as awesomeness levels are equivalent:
Watching the best at their best. The demonstration of adjustability & incredible skill to package your horse beneath you without losing that critical forward impulsion & power, well, it was not only stunning, but consistent.
Subtle yet huge: we all get our wrists slapped, no matter the discipline, for riding backwards. I was thrilled to see lines & horses moving FORWARD FORWARD FORWARD, even as shapes & strides changed.
Kim Severson. O.M.G. I want to ride like that. A young me knew I was watching something special every time she & Dan (legend Winsome Andante, above) thundered by us to win Rolex THREE times (in between Olympic medals, ha), but add 15 years of educating my eye...
Every time she came through, it was like watching the flow of silk. At a whole new pinnacle of her game, Kim's quiet body would offer just a breath of a suggestion through a soft shift of one hand. I had goosebumps watching a near-telepathic invitation to the horse that connected delicacy to power, as if saying, "Lovely creature, the next jump is just there, well done."
Being part of the community. Every time I volunteer, in any capacity, there's always this unique feeling, the knowledge that you are helping to create something bigger than yourself. And it's a community of sharing, teaching, helping, learning...yes, you can start singing "kummm-by-yaaaa" now, ha!
Seeing old friends, making new ones. So many wonderful connections built up over the years & events are often the only chance I get to enjoy them in person! And I don't think I've ever walked away without meeting a new one. And hopefully not weirding them out too much in the process, heh. Whether it's been a month or a year, the smiles, support, & stories never seem to wane.
It's just a bonus to get to share the experience with BFF, who has a fabulous eye & eats up the epicness as fast as I do!
I feel like I recognize that...
Inspiration to work on my own horse. We all get stuck. Spending a day watching 150 mini-lessons 15' in front of me sends me home with a flurry of tips & ideas I can't wait to try. It seems to remind my subconscious that, oh yeah, we used to do this fantastic thing, how about we get back to that??
What about you? Have you had the privilege to get free riding lessons from 10 pros at once volunteer recently? What was your favourite??
Saturday was packed full of things both wonderful &, er, somewhat less so.
Warning: many words follow, take your pee break now!!
*Photos can be clicked to embiggen. No, I have not mastered the 'selfie' & don't know why I appear compelled to hold phone 20' in the air*
Definitely not boring, a beautiful day for Preliminary/Intermediate/Advanced Cross-Country at Five Points Horse Trials, but I would've been ok with "slightly less eventful." (pun not intended)
I'm going to bet that quite a few folks would agree on the latter!
TD Bobby Stevenson briefs us
Volunteering is ALWAYS educational. I encourage everyone to never miss an opportunity to watch, listen & learn from a unique type of immersion you won't find anywhere else! When 150 riders attempt to answer the same jumping question(s) right in front of you, it's an invaluable way to see what works & what doesn't.
Although we always hope the "doesn't work" part is a simple run-out or refusal.
What Happened?!
Horses insist on being horses though, & no matter where, how well-prepared, well-designed, or even what discipline, for lack of a more concise summation, "shit happens."
If you were following online through our feed or Event Entries great scoring service, you already know that BFF & I had a busy morning jump judging at I fences 17 & 18A/B, a challenging accuracy & planning question on the Intermediate course:
I intend a follow-up post including the many fantastic rides we saw & a breakdown of our fences for each level. So I'm not going to delve into much detail here, but I want to share some of the parts that unfailingly remind me why I love eventing: the people.
THANK YOU - to the medical team. Nothing personal, but I generally dislike meeting you, especially so many of you, because that means gravity was not very nice to someone.
However, (& I'm still sleuthing out the department to name) all of you were calmly expedient, compassionate, on your A-game, & took over rider care like a well-oiled machine. I know first-hand that when you're the person on the ground, hearing kindness & confidence from your caregivers means everything.
JJ, why do I always look rabid?
THANK YOU - JJ, I can't say it enough. I know some of you out there have been lucky enough to work with radio control queen, JJ Johnson, as well, so you can corroborate that there is NO ONE you'd rather have on the headset when there may be 4-5 horses on course at 2-minute start intervals.
(Dutton, give me time to write down the previous rider's number before attempting to lap them! Kidding - but whatever is in that man's cereal, I obviously need some!)
With 3-5 channels in front of her, JJ still keeps everyone safe, connects officials to volunteers to EMTs to scorers, every time. And she can even do it with a smile. Amazing isn't a big enough word.
Miriam hooks us up!
THANK YOU - to Miriam, wonderful volunteer coordinator. That's one of, if not THE hardest jobs of all. This was the first time I've met her, but positive energy, lots of helpful information beforehand, & plenty of delicious lunches & snacks (frozen chocolate bars, omg, I think I love you!!) -- it's what keeps that priceless commodity, our volunteer corps, coming back!
THANK YOU - of course, to all my fellow volunteers!! It may not feel very glamourous to handle traffic crossings or write down rows of zeros (but we do love zeros) all day, but not a single event would exist without you.
CD Marc Donovan: "Don't wrinkle the shirt!"
It's cliche but true! You don't even have to be a horse person, you don't have to have any experience. If you can read & write & push buttons & have polite human interactions, you're 100% qualified. And did I mention my chicken salad was amazing, THANK YOU, whoever was lunch lady!!
THANK YOU - to our favourite course builder (we can't help it, he's hilarious AND mad talented), Tyson Rementer, and his crew, always on hand for spares & repairs.
I'm convinced that Tyson shares the ability to teleport with Boyd Martin, who I swear materialized out of thin air when our first rider fell (Seriously, it's uncanny how many times Boyd is present when things diverge from the plan! But THANK YOU, too, for never hesistating to jump in & help!).
I walk our Advanced line in possibly the most boring video ever:
I know I'm hyperfocused both when I ride & judge XC, but as I hit the ground next to the rider to keep her still & talking (screaming's ok too, you can't scream without breathing, just stay with me & scream in a manner that lets me know you're not going to pass out, that's better for both of us) until Medical arrived, all of a sudden, a very familiar Aussie voice chimed in right next to my ear: "Just be still, they'll be here right away, you'll be okay."
Speak of the devil: Boyd & Welcome Shadow own it
As I help EMT's figure out how to get her on the board without aggravating a hellaciously painful hip too much, there's Tyson too -- I'm telling you: teleportation superpowers.
There are, of course, MANY more, but I won't wear out your scroll button.
And How Are Our Riders?
Of the three falls at our I fence (A & P were nicely uneventful), Tiffini at 18B popped up quickly & her horse galloped back to stabling in fine form, so both appeared luckily none the worse for wear.
Happy photos: Doug Payne & Vandiver (5th, A) land with eyes on target
The other two did have the painful misfortune of their horse landing all or partly on top of them, but neither horse rotated & both horses hopped up sound & alert. Both have my heartfelt empathy for also having the nasty luck of landing on their hips, which frankly, hurts beyond the ability of the best cursing.
And I'm so sorry I had to make you lay on what hurt you most until Medical arrived, I was hurting right along with you, but no spinal injuries on my watch if I can help it!
Photos AND horses need compression; Doug gets it done!
As I shared in a brief update for Eventing Nation, just because all of us as fellow riders worry for our brothers & sisters, both Dana & Sara were talking to me & the EMTs & the lovely foam in their vests & helmets did its job perfectly.
They left in excellent hands to get the good drugs & a thorough check alongside some hopefully peripheral repairs. Hopefully both, along with Will Faudree, who suffered a solid whack at the fence after ours, will be on the mend quickly!!
And Vandiver jumps out of the Advanced line, textbook
And because I've been there, especially to Sara, who began asking me for details in the ambulance: adrenaline makes us blank out for a reason. To this day, I cannot remember what happened between the saddle & the ground on my Very Bad Day with Solo. There's an email link at the top right of my page, don't hesitate to use it if you have questions after you're feeling better!
Bests to everyone today, have a great ride, & do your best to keep the steel side down!
Seriously, both these coolers were in the volunteer tent, we all should have chosen from the bottom one!
