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We Are Flying Solo

January 11, 2010

In Which Solo Is A Guinea Pig

So we have this electromagnetic blanket sitting around the farm. It's on loan (or in storage?) for a friend of the BO. Now, scientifically, there is little data to suggest that magnetic pulse therapy is significantly effective and anecdotal reports show ceramic heat reflection technology to posses greater efficacy. But what the hell, the thing is sitting there and we've got nothing to lose, so we decided to try it out.

The book promised the horse would immediately take on a "calm, relaxed" demeanor. It did not indicate how you would recognize this if your guinea pig horse is generally calm and relaxed anyway.

It also had a useful Q&A section, covering important issues like: "Will this blanket make my horse a champion?" and offering the answer I hope no one paid money for: "No. Of course not. That would be impossible." Yes, those are direct quotes.

This helpful little manual also suggests you might get better results using the thing twice a day. Again, it did not indicate how one would do this without having an infinite amount of time to sit around and stare at a horse wearing a blanket. So, not so helpful really.

Supposedly, you have to use it at the lowest setting for three days, then you can begin to bump it up. I can't imagine anything more anticlimactic. You unroll all these cords and pieces and plug them into this giant silver box that looks like a 1980-model PC (see photo). There are junction boxes and switches and frequency settings galore. Then, with bated breath, you hit the "start" button. At which point precisely nothing happens. There are no lights. There is no sound. There is no heat from the pads. Your horse stands there staring at you contemplating the possiblity of carrots in your pocket. I was only able to figure out the thing was actually working by holding a magnet under each pad and as the machine pulses, the magnet vibrates in your hand. Thrilling.

So after day 1, I can report that my horse is calm and relaxed. Pretty much just like he was 30 minutes earlier, but it's a fun experiment.


  1. hehehe! Thats fun! At least you get to try it out for free!

  2. I agree. The color is lovely. Do you think it would help with my cold?

  3. Agreed, lh, that is why we submitted to being the guinea pigs!

    Breathe, I suppose if you wrapped it around your head, you could always try it. Results not guaranteed if you have a metal plate in your head. And it will not make you a champion.

  4. Will it make your horse a reserve champion?

  5. I am paralyzed by that, Frizz, it wasn't in the book???!!!

  6. I used one of those when I worked at the track. It did seem to make Mr Chronically Back-Sore more comfortable. It most certainly did NOT make him a champion!

  7. So it appears the manual does not lie....

  8. Wow, I almost spit my coffee out, reading that line from the manual. Guess I'll cancel my order...

  9. Save your money, Jen. For half the cost, I will send you some bona fide champion making peppermints which WILL bring you home the ribbons every time. Guaranteed or your money back with full return of all peppermints.