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We Are Flying Solo

April 11, 2011

On Saying Goodbye

The hardest part about enriching our lives with animals lies in the fact that they have shorter lifespans then we do.  Perhaps it is because they love so fiercely and live so openly -- a brighter fire burns more fuel.  The end result is that they break off a little piece of our heart when they go.

I am writing this today because I won't be able to do it on Wednesday.  When Dr. Bob comes and lays Smokey to rest for me.  The kindest dog I ever met deserves a tribute after sixteen and a half years of unabated love and companionship.

So this is for you, big girl, because your brown eyes will always be with me.

You have been the longest relationship of my life. When I first met you, I was a gangly sixteen. You were a timid, nondescript pound puppy who became fast friends with our bold Eskimo-cross, Sasha. You two were inseparable, so naturally, you joined her as my 4-H training project.  A little bit Shepherd, a little bit Collie, and very quickly, a big piece of my heart.

Remember when we used to get to obedience class at the county fairgrounds early and we would lie in the summer grass next to the lake? I would show you the most interesting clouds and you'd keep an eye out for squirrels.

Remember when we would visit the creek by the house and you loved it so much, you would take a galloping leap off the bank so you could relish the cool splash of the belly flop?

Remember when you and Sasha would pick some poor, unsuspecting squirrel and stalk and tag-team him each time he dared come to the ground? You two even scored a squirrel tail one time...

Remember when we would go hiking around the lake and you would catch a glimpse of a deer through the woods? You would bound into the air like your legs were on springs, Collie-flop ears all a-perk and nose working overtime with enthusiasm.

Remember when we would sled in the fresh snow behind the house and you would dash alongside our saucers, nipping at snowsuit legs and always trying to figure out where snowballs went when they hit the ground?

Remember your nemesis, the box turtle? How did he just become a seamless rock? How dare he disappear like that? You were determined to bark him out.

Remember later, when you came to join me in graduate school.  Sasha had died and you were lost in deep mourning without her.  I was 24 and you staunchly guarded my apartment against all comers, friend or foe. You rode in the creaky old elevator of the biology building, keeping a suspicious eye on the numbers, so you could visit me at work and find a new lease on life. Oh yeah, and those squirrels...

Remember long swims in Carolina lakes alongside the canoe? It always seemed to make your shoulder arthritis vanish and I saw the puppy again when you came leaping out of the water.

Remember cold nights, curled up on the couch? Your fur always kept my feet warm and your thick ruff made a welcome pillow for hugs and tears alike.

You were always there for me, always in the doorway. Always with a watchful eye on me and an ear cocked in my direction. Complete devotion, loyalty, and gentleness. You knew how to work a campfire, extracting maximum bellyrubs from all parties. You were an excellent boater, camper, hiker, traveler, and friend.

I have been proud to know you and proud to love you and you have never let me down. I can only hope that I can take the gifts and lessons of love you have given me and pass them on to others in need.

Your heart is still strong, despite your tired body. No doubt it always will be. You are free to go. You don't have to search me out anymore. You don't have to protect me anymore. You can just lie the shade of the farm trees and rest for as long as you want in the grass that you love to roll in.

But I will miss you always.

40 comments:

  1. I wish you moments of joy in your last days together, and nothing but peace in the stillness and quiet that will follow. Your heart will mend because she has made it so strong.

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  2. That was lovely. You and your friend made many good memories.

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  3. prayers are with you on Wednesday, luv.....it's gonna be a tough day. know my love is with you then and always....

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  4. Beautiful tribute. Crying my eyes out over here. Here's to a beautiful life and a faithful friend. My thoughts are with you.

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  5. What a wonderful tribute - I hope all these good memories will help you through the pain.

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  6. I am soo sorry for you impending loss. What a wonderful tribute and I am sure that she knows how much you love her. She sounds like a wonderful friend.

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  7. I'm so sorry you'll be losing such a wonderful friend :( What a lovely post - what wonderful memories. And I know what you wrote is only the tip of the iceberg of memories and love for her. I'll be thinking of you both.

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  8. What a lovely tribute to a wonderful friend. What you're doing is so, so hard - my heart aches for you. Lots of hugs, and may your many, many fond memories carry you on.

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  9. Such an awesome tribute. What a full, long life. I'm so sorry :(

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  10. What amazing experiences you two have had together. I agree it makes it hard that their lifespan is shorter. They do take a piece of our heart but it pales in comparison to the impact that the leave with us. We are privileged to have them a part of our lives. So sweet!

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  11. Very few things bring tears to my eyes, but that certainly did.

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  12. Loving animals so deeply is both the greatest gift and the most crushing burden. Thank you for giving your girl the best life a puppy could ask for, all the love you could give her, a warm and glowing tribute, and a release from her pain. Hugs to you, girl. A lot of us have been through this, and we have you both in our thoughts.

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  13. That was exceptionally beautiful. She had a wonderful life, I am glad you could give it to her and that she enriched your life just as equally.

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  14. I cried really hard while sitting at my desk. I pray for you on Wednesday. Thank you for writing such a lovely tribute to a special dog. The rainbow bridge will get a good one.

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  15. That was a truly heartwarming tribute to a lifetime friend. I'm sorry for your pain at this difficult time; I celebrate the joy of the years the two of you shared.

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  16. Lovely. Bawling at 8:30 a.m. is not recommended. You have remembered the good times and know that on Wednesdsay, Smokey and Sasha will reunite and those damn squirrels won't stand a chance.

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  17. Aw, Braffie, now that one hit me like a sucker punch. But that is a very sweet thought. Dang, I shouldn't have checked this at work.

    But thank you all for your kind support, every single one of you means a lot.

    There are so many pictures and so many memories of my special big dog over the last decade and a half, I couldn't even begin to make a dent in them.

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  18. Safe journey lovely Smokey. Your love will always burn brightly.

    Call me if you need me.

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  19. What a beautiful tribute.

    Enjoy your time together, and remember, the Rainbow Bridge posse will be waiting with wagging tails when she crosses over.

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  20. So sorry, it is always unbelievably difficult. Your beautiful tribute made me cry.... hugs to you both today...

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  21. I couldn't even read all of this... crying too much. So sorry you're losing your best friend.

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  22. Lovely tribute. She will always be with you, in your heart and in the wonderful memories you have of her.

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  23. Sniffing back the tears right now...reminds me so much of my dear Lhasa who owned me for 14 years. She was the best - and I can not bring myself to 'replace' her.
    My heart goes out to you.

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  24. Crushing..that feeling of being choked when I read this. I'm sorry that you have to say goodbye to your dear sweet baby but what a wonderful life you gave to her.

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  25. My thoughts will be with you. That is a great tribute to a great dog. Smooches Smokey, and hugs to you.

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  26. *Crying* losing a pet is so hard because the love is so unconditional. I wish you peace.

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  27. Your loving tribute brought tears to my eyes. A very eloquent memorial.

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  28. Your loving memorial has brought tears to my eyes. She will live on in your heart forever.

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  29. Oh, no... my heart went "thud" when I saw the title of your post. But it's not Solo, it's your beautiful Smokey. How devoted she is, and how lucky you are to have had such a wonderful animal in your life for so long. You have written a fitting tribute to her. I can only hope my own darling dog lives as long and full a life.

    This makes the second time in two days that I've cried over someone else's love for their dog. When you are ready, I highly recommend reading "Last Dog On The Hill," by Steve Duno. His dog Lou, a Shepherd/Rott mix, was very special and the book is a marvelous look at the dog and guardian bond.

    I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. ((Hugs))

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  30. What a wonderful way to remember a wonderful friend. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

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  31. It is the greatest gift that we can give our friends who are animals. Peace.

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  32. That was a beautiful tribute. It put tears in my eyes. My prayers are with you for today and the difficult day ahead.

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  33. When dogs like this come into our lives, they so deserve such lovely tributes. You are amazingly gifted....not just for knowing and loving (and being loved by her) but for being able to convey such beautiful sentiments. Cindy

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  34. I couldn't comment on this at first because it is very close to me right now. I will be saying goodbye to my baby, Sassy, very soon too. I know this will be a very tough day for you. I wish you peace as you say goodbye to your best friend.

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  35. What a lovely tribute; I could not fight the tears. This is definitely the most difficult aspect of having animals in our lives. Your friend was present for so many important stages of your life and loosing her is an acknowledgment that those parts of your life have also ended. I felt this way about my great cat of 15 years. I have not had the heart to find him a successor.

    Wishing you peace, today.

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  36. Thank you again, everyone.

    To Amanda and others facing this difficult decision: the lead-up is far worse than the actual deed. But there is nothing easy about any of it and my hugs to you all.

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  37. Oh wow, I just read this...I'm so, so sorry. What a beautiful tribute to your beautiful girl.

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  38. What a beuatiful dog! Wishing you peaceful memories of your dear friend Smokey.

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  39. Oh man...This post has be trying (and mostly failing) not end up a sobbing heap on my desk at work. I'm so sorry you lost your baby, and you did a beautiful tribute here.

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