I Think It's Over Now

I've been in this blind panic, trying to get Encore going properly for Virginia, my destination event of the year, the one thing I've set my sights on that was to be a balm for my life, a grand adventure of a true 3-day event with a great team of friends.

He never gets sore spots.

I've decided instead to invest in pet rocks.

Encore has had soreness in his left hip ever since he slipped at Five Points in September.  I, like an idiot, took two horse trials to figure out what was even going on.  It's not like him to go into the ring and pull 5 rails in stadium.  He should NOT be getting 44's in dressage.  I blamed my riding, I blamed lack of preparation.  FINALLY, I was able to piece together the evidence, see a timeline and figure out he was just plain sore. 

Dr. Bob came out several times, as mentioned previously.  He put the skeletal pieces back where they belong and gave the muscles and ligaments a little juicy help. 

On our Facebook page, I mentioned we did a trail ride on Saturday -- some walk/trot work on hills.  As soon as he picked up the trot though, I could feel his diagonals were uneven.  The muscles in his hindquarters fatigued quickly.  He was hot and sweaty in less than an hour; not normal for a fit young horse.  There was obviously something else stressing his system.

So I spoke to Dr. Bob yesterday and he instructed me to try everything last night and see what I had.

What I had was a tense, anxious horse, ears pinned back, teeth grinding, tail swishing, who would not step under with his left hind.  He kicked out, he dropped his hind end in downward transitions, and in general, I felt like I was torturing him.  But I had to collect the data.  After the ride, I admit I ended in tears because I knew he was only getting worse in work and I knew that, barring unicorn magic, our journey for the year was over after a frustrating fall half-season and  now, my riding was done for a long time.

I palpated and tested and stretched post-ride.  Everything seemed concentrated around the SI/ligaments/muscles on top of his left hip.  Strains to the SI ligament often happen when a horse slips at a gallop at the moment that leg is loaded:  exactly what he did a month and a half ago.  I will talk to Dr. Bob again  later today and I will wait and see, but odds are I will be calling in a scratch next week and I will just eat $400.

Because there comes a point where it's all about you and stops being about your horse.  I could probably push him through the event, but then it is all about my personal wants and NOT about what is best for him in the long term.  So I choose him.  I choose what I hope will allow him to continue to perform for many years to come. 

It could change, something magical might happen in the next week.  That has not been my experience.  While I am heartbroken, there is also a little bit of relief -- taking away the pressure of getting to the horse trial took away the panic and anxiety of wondering how he will make it.  Now if it works, that's great, but if it doesn't, I'm now mentally prepared to pull his shoes and start over again next summer.

So now it's just me and two half-broken horses, kicking around the broken remnants of our goals.  Maybe we'll share a beer and share a dream of a brighter comeback.  Maybe we'll just lean on each other and watch the days crawl by, waiting, always waiting, for a little luck to glance our way. 

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Back To School

So many things going, trying to cram every possible moment in before I am hobbled....

Batman (Dr. Bob -- he and Robin broke up, so now we only have the one, snif) visited on Tuesday and "refixed" Encore.  As I suspected, his tight hip muscle had rotated his pelvis again and his sacrum was tilted from his slips at 5 Points, so that all got worked out and he got a bit of muscle relaxer in the left hip ligaments to hopefully help keep things in place, along with a steroid in the right hip to tighten up that muscle for the same reason.  He has two days off, then tomorrow, a 2-hour date with the hot walker.  This weekend, we'll go back into work with low jumps and next week, with bated breath, training resumes.

The good part of the tradeoff is that I have gotten to spend some much-needed time with Solo.  Last night, we went down to the arena and did some stretching, lateral work, and transitions.  Damn, that horse is a nice-moving, well-trained horse.  Sigh.  I suspect he could improve with an SI injection, but he, unlike his brother, is uninsured so no bone scan or fancy back needles are in his future.

He still felt good once he warmed up and he still loves that extended trot (well, the lopsided version his current out of shape self can do).  I give thanks to Encore for making me a significantly better rider, so I was able to keep Solo soft in the bridle and push his back legs forward forward forward (No easy feat.  Solo firmly assures me that his butt only exists to hold his tail on).  Oh how I long to run a XC course on him again -- I am sure he does as well!

As we finished, our BO came into the ring for the weekly adult lesson group and we started talking.  I've offered Solo to him as a lesson horse for the many kid lessons he gives where they are just walking around, learning the basics and being comfortable on a horse.  Mr. Shiny is kind and generous, completely unphased by children running beneath his belly (yes, they have, headshake), and in about four steps, if he knows you are clueless, he will move at a snail's speed and take excellent care of you.  It will give him a chance to feel important (he loves having his ego stroked, you should see him ponying Encore, he takes no sass) and to be brushed and petted by new people, all the attention that he craves.

I have mixed feelings -- because of his past, I have always been very careful about the scenarios that I put him in, and because of his trust issues, I watch carefully to make sure no one accidentally waves the red flag.  There are certain shadows that will never vanish.  No one is able to longe him or even carry a longe whip by him except for me and he keeps a close eye on all other kinds of whips, especially if they are held up at the ready.  Despite years of training him to give to poll pressure, he will still freak out if he steps on his own rope or backs up against his halter.  It will be hard for me to know that someone is handling him when I am not there.

But if there is one person I trust to protect him and respect him, it is this BO.  Solo is already the darling of the barn staff (he's so manipulative) and BO is no exception.  I have spent months watching him train and ride his own and clients' horses, as well as work with his own instructor and he is the real deal.  I have never once seen him be unfair or harsh with a horse or allow his students to be.

It will be ok, it will be ok, it will be ok......

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Waiting....

I'm terrible at it.  So perhaps it's a good thing I've been left in charge of the farm this weekend while everyone is shining their silver at the State Fair.  With still about 30 horses left behind and a pony with an eye infection, plus pasture dragging and arena mowing -- oh wait, skip that one, the mower wouldn't start.  At any rate, better than fidgeting.

I don't want to do anything meaningful with Encore until Dr. Bob has a chance to set right what is sore.  Solo is quite of out shape; we did a bit of walk/trot work the other day (see our FB feed) and he was fantastic, but it definitely woke up some long-slumbering muscles who now whine in protest.

So instead, tonight I rode out bareback into the sunset, Solo's familar sway beneath me and Encore's bright face at my knee as we ponied him through quarreling mockingbirds and the fat-rolling scramble of groundhogs in a perfect early fall evening.  It was good to get them both moving slightly faster than a lazy pasture amble and good to be on a horse after tractors and pitchforks and grain scoops and hoses.

Only two more days, two more days....

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The Horseman's Decision

Dr. Bob warned me on Tuesday that Encore would be sore for a while following a rather large chiropractic adjustment and recommended that I keep him on bute for the rest of the week.  I asked if he would be ok to do the horse trial and he didn't say no.  But I saw a look that I knew and I wondered.  Looking back, I think he made a gamble and because he knows me, hoped it would work.

I schooled Encore lightly on Thursday, some walk/trot lateral and stretching work and a few crossrails.  He felt great.

We trailered to the Horse Park on Friday and settled in for the night.  I wanted to hack him that evening, but ran out of time and daylight and we had to settle for a walk.

Carolina dawn.

 The Moment of Weakness

Dressage warmup was ugly.  Encore was unfocused.  I regretted not making the time to at least longe him the day before.  He had no bend, ignored my leg except to leap forward from every application.  He was stiff, cranky, and anticipatory.  40 minutes of work brought some improvement and I thought we might squeak through.

We didn't.  He turned like a motorcycle, ignored every aide, had no bend in either direction, stiffened and braced whether I was soft or not, and generally brought me near to tears by the end.  Which is almost impossible.  I made a promise on this blog that I would be open about the whole process, that I would not create some kind of false Facebook life where only the good is shared.  So yes, there is a video.  A sad, sad video.  Erm, at least I am getting better at sitting up straight?  And yes, yes he is violently allergic to the rail and wanders drunkenly down the long side like a lost cow. 



I slumped in despair when we left the arena.  Arriving back at our stall, where we were next door to our friend Sue and her magical, wonderful homebred, Rocky The Amazing Horse, I finally said it out loud:  "This just makes me want to give up.  I want to pack up my trailer right now and go home."

The Rally

I didn't.  I took a deep, shaky breath and took a long look at my horse.  I gave him a snack and a drink and thought hard.  He is a worker bee, he does not generally just behave like an asshole because he can.  Gearing up for stadium jumping (it was a one day HT), I decided to feel every step and carefully evaluate what was going on beneath me.

He jumped five or six warmup fences well, moving up when I asked and mostly maintaining a rhythm.  But he leaned hard on the left rein and his left lead canter was a bit flat.  We started our course and after jump 1 when he hit the ground running, the pieces began to form a clearer picture.

He ran at the jumps and about halfway through, started pulling rails behind.  There were only 9 fences so it ended quickly and as we walked out, the answer was clear:  his left hip was still sore, despite the bute and he needed more time.  Apparently a few jumps was ok.  15 was too many.

The Big Decision 

We began our walk over to XC, my first thought being, "Well, we might as well finish."  Then I paused.  Why?  There was nothing to gain -- the course was EXACTLY the same as the once we jumped at 5 Points, there were no new challenges.  I hadn't checked our dressage score, but I've gotten fairly accurate in my assessments and it certainly was not competitive and we'd just pulled at least 3 rails.  I knew my horse was sore and there was nothing to be gained by running him up and down hills for 4 minutes, knowing he would jump flat, chip in, and generally try his best while being physically compromised.  That would just be stupid.

So I walked over to the steward (who was very kind and sympathetic, thank you), calmly informed her we were withdrawing because my horse was sore, and returned the barn to pack up.

The legendary CHP steeplechase infield would not see this Thoroughbred's hoofprints today.

Disheartening?  Absolutely.  A hard choice?  Not really, because I strive to always put my horse first.  Frustrating?  Well, considering my day would have been better spent drinking and setting $300 on fire, yes, I'd say so.  Six hours of driving and we had neither learned nor developed a thing.

The Aftermath

I knew someday it was a choice I would have to make -- looking out for my horse in the long term vs. the short term gratification of completing an event.  It was a choice I will never forgive myself for not making for Solo and it cost us both a great deal.  It was the indisputably right choice to make for Encore yesterday.  I was also encouraged that people in stabling near us that I didn't even know expressed their support and good wishes for our choice and our future when we made it back.

I don't think there is any real damage done; I will talk to Dr. Bob on Monday and assess.  The only real stressor is that we have four weeks and I'm already $400 in to the VA Horse Trials in November.  A part of me wants to just give up, scratch, move the surgery up and be done with it.  This fall season was supposed to be fun, the last good thing I had to look forward to for a long time.  Since 5 Points, it has not been fun.

Because I think it all traces back to that point (ha, see what I did there):  Encore was going very well and had an excellent dressage test.  But he had two big slips on XC on the hard ground and even then, I felt something that I couldn't identify and he jumped poorly on Sunday.  Now I am just upset with myself for not figuring out the problem sooner -- a tweaked up back that just needed a reset and some time, which I attempted to do too close to a competition because I was too slow.

But I am stubborn.  Perhaps stupidly so.  But I'm not giving up just yet; I never thought for a second any of this would be easy.

As of this past Wednesday, he is tapped for studs and wore them on Saturday, so we shall have no more slipping.  Hopefully, all he needs is a bit more time for his hip to settle and rest and he will be back to good.  Did you hear that, big, young, thing?  Get good, I need you!

Oh, we'll be back.  The dream will not die that easily.

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Shhhhh, Did You Hear That?

It was nearly like the sound of a new post forming.  This only counts as half of one though.  I must apologize for a quiet summer; field work is rather like being slowly eaten alive, yet still-half enjoyable?  And the universe continues its focused plan to smoosh me, but fails as yet...

Solo has been finessing his guilt skills, trying to push his nose into the halter hole when I get Encore.  I take him out for a trail ride or a work session when I can, but there is so little time.  He has lost all that hard-won muscle and I'm a bit sad on the trail, where he stumbles and tires easily compared to the muscle-bound athlete he was before.  Before everything changed.  I look at him now and am frustrated, I want more for him but my plan to bring him back to shape this winter ended before it even began.  I can read his frustration too, we know each other too well.  But he will be my rehab horse in a couple of months, so I have hope yet to pique his interest.

Our barn wall speaks truth.

Encore and I have our final practice run this weekend in Southern Pines; next stop the Adult Team Challenge in VA.  We've joined up with three of our fellow Adult Riders to make a kickass team, so look out, because Team "Smurf Cocktail" will be looking to burn up the leaderboard!  If I can manage not to do anything stupidly obvious, perhaps Encore can bring home his own giant ribbon...

Dr. Bob comes up on Tuesday for a pre-flight chiro adjustment.  Encore's left hip has gotten tight again, which I have learned means that some cracking and re-rotating is in order.  For us both, funnily enough, I see mine tomorrow morning, ha.  I will do my best to assure that we are in our finest fighting form. 

Because October is already here, with November on its heels.  By the time I hit the O.R., I'll be broke and exhausted, but there will be plenty of time to nap later and no lessons to pay for for quite some time.  So I'll live right now, thank you.

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