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We Are Flying Solo

August 25, 2009

Jumping Clinic With...Me

And it was finally time: here I had bought this horse to supposedly be a hunter, perhaps it would be fitting if I actually tried to jump him?  Ya think?  This is our first jump together -- (and to get the feel of what it was like to be there, you must envision me whooping, "He DOES jump, WOOHOO!!!"  I have no idea what I would have done had he tripped & fallen on his face or spun & run away.)


*AHEM* (I prepare my best crotchedy George Morris voice)

This rider is pinching with her knee, raising her seat too far out of the saddle. She needs to shorten her stirrups several holes to achieve the perfect 110 degree angle & then drop her heel in the stirrup so she is not flung over her horse's head should he chip or stop. She should go back to jumping small crossrails...oh wait. Never mind, hope is probably lost. I also cannot tell if she has properly washed the soles of her boots -- I suspect they are dusty, at which point you might as well write "F@ck you, judge!" on the back of her shirt. Her back is flat & her eyes are up. She appears to be attempting some version of a long crest release to give her horse plenty of rein. 

Her big horse is...uh, shiny. His knees are even but he is so loose below he might as well be a marionette. With an unpulled, unbraided mane, unpolished hooves & unwiped butt, I'm not sure how he even dares appear in public?! Add to that this rider's mismatched tack, travesty of a green saddle pad, gloves the colour of the devil-who-hath-no-hairnets, I'd really rather gouge my eyes out then look at this picture.

Sorry, George, a full time job & poverty's a bitch.


  1. You forgot "while a white helmet may be acceptable for schooling, anything but black velvet detracts from the horse, making the rider the first thing you look at. The clothing and tack should be dark solid colors, taking nothing away from the horse"
    Oh yeah, AND you forgot to polish Solo's feet.... how could you?

  2. Oh oh, yeah -- but at least I have heavy fillis stirrups, that should garner me points. But damn, my girth elastic is showing. I'm so ashamed...

  3. The sad thing is, I love George with all my heart. I wish he would get off his high horse a little bit, but man he is amazing. Watching him ride is awe inspiring.

  4. Now, hang on a sec, missy - there are a few other positive things in this pic, from the great GM's point of view.(I am starting to think like him...oh, Lordy.)
    1.) Gorgeous, meticulously clean facilities with good footing. Bonus points. You clearly care about your horse's safety.
    2.) Stick-thin rider with the perfect hunter/eq. build. Again, you must care about your horse because you are not subjecting him to carrying around another 30 pounds, which would obviously be cruelty to animals (*snicker*).
    However, you would lose a couple of points for that noseband, as it clearly "pulls attention away from the horse."
    Geez...if GM ever wants a month off, I could totally sub for him.

  5. AHAHA, nice Friz! I know, I have been reading that column since I was a young'un, it's quite predictable by now!

    That arena is now filled with hay and unusable, heartbreaking, huh?